Previous Blog : PArt 2
Me today..... Friday November 10, 2006 - 05:47pm (SGT)
since last week when the phone ring or there is tone warning me the sms is received, my heart beat will move faster than i can ....its may be fr my bro asking me to feed him or my mum who asking me to feed them....yes they depend on me...n who feed me? who? tell me now....this si no freedom living today nad i dunt see tomorrow will rise for me....this really tired feeling for keep me feel sad , worry and depressed.....i cant tell that i can no longer feed them....it is a NO NO at all......no such way.......i just keep telling them wait while i get them the 'rice'....i will always there to feed them...but how ? feed them while me myself also 'hungry'.... its very tough but even tougher nowdays for me.... imagine tat ur bro telling you he dunt have money to eat n u at home have food to eat....well shud i ignore saying tat i dunt have money...so where he end up to.....be a thives for a bowl of rice....this is yr 2006....i cant allow this even allow him to think tat .....never....they depend on me...i cant sit nor stand facing this....cry? tired of all tat...no more tears....no more..... and now i am afraid of everything....afraid ....to afraid...even to smile even to cry even to feel bit happiness....i am not dare too.......i am in really problem....
i cant sleep ...can eat...have no mood of anything...and it affected me n him too......i am guilty and i know he kinda take it...he try to understand but untill when? he has his own limit where i shud take a close reminder to myself abt whatt i done.....i am not alone anymore in this life ...i am a wife so my responsibilities is for him too.... i really 'sick'...but then....OMG...
i am panic attacked almost of the time when i think my situation now and i am really feel bad about what i am facing now....it does worry me much.....shoud i put a full stop, then i will feel guilty the rest of my life.....n it is again a NO NO .....so where and where ? what and what tell me?
may be i shud have done something i am not suppose to ....n i knew this is the risk i may have if i choose this...n now i am facing this....ppl cant understand...ppl dunt know how much pain i have here rite now.....it even pain than the pain itself....when i stuck in this kinda situation, i have known better what i can be n end up with wat....
yes i am moody, i am at anger for the smallest stupid mistake, i am angry at nothing i am supposed to, i am sensitive, i am depressed, worrying about nothing, think such a shit out of nothing, i am lost, demotivated, i am dispointed with myself, i wana be alone....but i realize it doesnt help me to solve the problem at all.... it doesnt cure the pain n it doesnt help me to ease the burden on my shoulder....somehow it make things worse...but then...aarrgghhhh
i realize sometimes i talk too much but i failed to deliver wat i am suppose to deliver...somehow....i wanted to but now with all situation i faced now...? do i lazy? maybe? yes? No? ....useless? yes? May be? No? nahhhhh maybe ....partly as daughter or sister i guess i am.....
he is getting disappointed with me....i know but as nice person he try not to show....somehow i understand his feeling...i am so sorry......yeah i am not that gud ....but how hard i try, i cant give what i cant....
run away from this problem sure will make this worse than i have now....
i want to settle..at least part of this by tomorrow......even things is not working my way...i gonna be ok..i have been there but i dunno how i solved all the problem before...but seem now i am damn shit stupid to even think about get rid from the problem.....
if it is written that it is not gonna be me.......i take it ...its not mine...
now, maybe i have to choose whatever i never think i shud choose one day.....due to my previous choice i made.....
i shud got paid......
2 Day : Tuesday November 7, 2006 - 06:25pm (SGT)
arrghhh everything not in place when i really want all ...arrgghhhh
everything wrong with me now n then....
its not me anymore here....i am diff person that i lost somehow in many ways lately...
arrggghhhh...help help help.....
i start to questioning myslef of many possible i can.....
i believed tat was what i suppose to ask before since long.....
arrghhhhhh
i need to change ....change from wat i am now.....
TBA...i stuck - paused - stop - .......
something for everything... Friday November 3, 2006 - 11:01pm (SGT)
i dunt know wat exactly i wana write here today , tonite....but i really wana write something .....to ease this pain feeling all these few days..... while spending time alone at this hour ...i guess this husband and wife giving a space to each other to have own quality time...i can use this time to read, to sleep, to listen to 'my_music' or i can write something here...n i choose to write while listening to my favorite one....while Jatt is having his Tai-Chi class tonite with all frens, i am having my sweet time here....smell of candle and windy surrounding....ohhh so nice n 'melankolik'.....for me giving such a space to each other is the good practice...esp for us who attached almost of the time....
looking to my calendar , i notice tat, this coming 18 November will be 1 yr my father passed away...i just cant help to say that i only feel that it is only yesterday....still feel n still smell ....im not over it yet ..i am still me....with him that i love n miss forever
sometimes my self esteem n self believe is too high n in the other hand,it just empty when i really need it.....i need it to make sure i can work properly...now i am facing a problem when i end up feel down n feel give up....by knowing my self in career, i am not that kinda person...i dunt know whether my spirit just has gone with my pain from previous job......but i really need to FOCUS in this job...i need IT...i need to help my self coz i wana help everyone else....pls pls pls...
my married life is really great day by day....he such a nice husband and he is cool enuff when we face a problem...i am a big liar if i say i agree everything with him....well we both have differences and sometimes we c thing differently...in diff view n understanding...its natural coz the up bringing in us is diff since our 1st day born in this world. but we never argue but we discuss wisely ...and make me happy....yes sometimes we never solve the matter but i just feel good the way we treat the matters and we respect each other...this is wat i always want in my life....
he is good fren n good enemy to me...well.....be a wife is NOT easy ...me myself hv own conflict n confusing sometimes i myself make...ehhehe well u know me rite?...heheh but i am Thank God that i met such a person....admit that we just not that perfect in many thing, simple say not that stabil in financial and career, but we just take one things at one time.....he has his own way ...n the greatest is he teach me n he manage to change me to be better person i can....n i feel gud abt it....Alhamdulillah...
i am still i am in many ways ...still...hehe even i guess i change accordingly to b better person, but i still old me...i still like to cook ( where i contribute to Jatt stomach development so fast...heheheh) its a satisfaction...
i am still crazy over the books and i still think that all the precious to me...i still hold a long list about book i really wana have.... but i must have money esp nowdays good book need you to invest a lil xtra cost....or else u only get a writer crap n shit all the times, where u found later its only 'cut&paste' from internet... with MPH card member i guess i willing to buy certain book by end of this December....sales is on the way at MPH i heard....and i will check abt it.....
i guess i am having less interest in shoes even i still have to admit i love shoes.....the correct one is i dunt even hv enuff money to buy a new pairs of collection.....its not less interest actually...i still jump into shoe shop whenever i can.... and i...again still follow the trend today closely...i still updating my self abt shoe trend and i still hold long list of shoe to buy...again...long list....arrrgghh the day will come...maybe i am not office gal, so i am not so dress up like i used to before...no high heels no this n tat..
talking abt the office attire, i am now so worse in dressing to work....huhu i always make my self like a 'sales gurl' (well i never say sales gurl have a bad taste...never coz some of them ga-ga look u know)...ok let say i look like Indon maid....(to make it sound worse.....) its always jeans n t-shirt, some times if i am bit rajin i will wear baju kurung, unless there is an appt with client then i will make sure i am ready with everything. ohhh tat was me...so i guess from now on i shud dress up to work....NO NO selekeh type ...must put back my make up, my off attire n shoes....yes yes yes...maybe tat way shud make me feel better n motivate me as well. Yes...i will do....coz i am worth of being someone like tat...y i shud let my bad experience in previous job , be someone who is not me at all..... i am career woman...
hse cleaness is my priority....always...now i have another interest else than cooking, music, fishing and books, i now like to make sure my hse always clean n clean n clean.... nice interior design ...as wat i can afford lah...sometimes u dunt need an xpensive furniture or wat...u just need to know how to utilize all wat u have in hand... how to arrange to make sure u hv space n its doesnt danger ur life...its important rules too know that...(i know sometime Jatt cant help to show his face.....'apa yang kotor ya...tak nampak pun sampah...?'...sorry Yang, u marry me for a whole package....heheheh)..
circle of our fren are various....while do listing for open hse invitation, we realize tat we have many races in list...n we feel happy abt we are able to b fren to each other...we can accept everyone as they are nice person...i am glad tat i hv a chance to be in this great circle of fren....old, young, chinese, indian, malay, muslim, buddhist, christian, free thinker, man, woman, married, divorce, single, rich, poor, fat, skinny, healthy, u sick, dark or fair, tall or short... WE NEVER CARE....as long u nice to us..., respect each other, u are most welcome to be our fren... alwyas....coz at the end of the day we just human...we just a small creature.... we glad tat we both have these frens around us....we realy dunt want to talk about who is 'foe' for us caused these ppl dunt even know wat fren for ....how to b fren...
alamak...hubby blk sudah.....have to manja him pulak....
i am coming......coming comingggggg
All about Raya Part II Sunday October 29, 2006 - 05:29pm (SGT)
Its not what i expect it to be and its all frustration...
But anyhow i just thank God that i still manage to bring few happiness in few people hari raya...
With a feeling of frustration ....we drove back to KL last nite n reached here at 6.00am .....It's a tiring hari raya and i really pissed off for certain things...and its really upset me in many ways.. Dunt think i can accept it not let it go...
Its just something i never think it can happened during hari raya.....this raya a a
to my hubby, i promised you the best hari raya as i am also excited as to celebrate this raya as 1st raya together...i am so sori deep from my heart.... its beyond my control ...
I tried the best i can give to everyone in my life...but i just a failure to many unknown reasons y???
i am in deep frustration...its tiring.. its unexceptable....its really shame...
if you guys outhere wonder what had happened.......its not what you think.....its a family matters that always make me dispointed n make me feel stronger n stonger day by day... its written my life has to be that way and i have to take it all......
i am really out of my dream now....i need a break an time to understand ...to heal...to cure n to find ways......
i am tired...zz ZZzZZZZzzzZZzzzZZZzZ
All about Raya Saturday October 21, 2006 - 04:14pm (SGT)
Tonite we will goin hometown for Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Syawal al-Eid) celebration with my family at Jitra Kedah after buka puasa gathering at hubby's sister hse at Residency 9,
Since married, I never met Abg Datt & Kak Aina Family coz they are staying oversea, just got news thru my mum in law or thru msges. I never met them personally - yes i have 3 brother n sister in law, one is Kak Aida + Abg Jamal> 2 children ; Aisha & Batrisya, Kak Aina + Abg Asnadi> no kid, stayed in Boston, US and Abg Datt+ Sofia > one kid;Matin and one more to come by this January 2007. Jatt is the youngest in the family. So I only met Kak Aida where we use to call her as 'Akak'. We live nearby also.
Coz Datt is coming home for raya, and we will celebrate raya at my hometown n partly hubby hometown, so we decide to have buka puasa with Datt and family. So, this is my 1st time meeting Datt's family. I heard they both are nice person. I’m excited for this evening meeting.
After buka puasa we will slowly heading to Kedah. Everyone told me that its realy bad jam heading North thru
All my sibling was there, at my mum hse. Adam has arrived on Friday morning fr JB, and just now my second sister; Shida just arrive at 2.30 from
As my 1st time celebrating this raya as a wife, I am so excited in many ways....if last time I will ask forgiveness in the morning on the 1st raya day from my father, this raya i also will do same thing, asking a forgiveness from a man, but now i am asking from a man, who is my hubby...then my mum and then later from everyone....forgiveness is just something you cant define whether you give or get it.....just soul satisfaction ....N must remember not only Syawal we are talking about forgiveness, Jatt taught me 'forgiveness is everyday'....and I always try to do it before I sleep everynite. Also feel thankful...
This hari raya is different for me for many reasons I guess...1st is becoz my father is no longer here for all of us....i am sure all of us feel the 'feeling of losing' but I hope no one will spoilt the day ...with a hope that all my sibling keep pray for late father, we wana celebrate this as it is. 2nd, as a wife I’m happy & thankful that I have an opportunity to be with someone meaningful in this life. Celebrating it for 1st time make me feel excited...not to compare with last years, like I never thanks God,...its not at all....what I mean is the the situation feeling and expectation I guess…Over the last years. I am the ‘maid’ of the hse during raya time. I am the chef, I am the waitress and I am the one who will make sure all at place; simple say fund raiser….I try as possible as much to make sure that raya will be the best moment for all in the hse. Raya visit? I am not doin it that much except to my aunty hse (near my hse, she is my late dad’s eldest sister)..and sometimes my uncle who also my late dad’s elder brother, coz he is sick and bed ridden for years. I am not visiting not bcoz I dunt want, just I am ‘a maid’. So I am bz at home. But this yr I think I will pay a visit to many relatives and close fren hse. This is to introduce Jatt to them and I also will visit Jatt’s family hse too. Where he will introduce me to them. Last time we not able to visit everyone after the wedding ceremony due to our short holiday. And we plan to have a nite stay at Jatt’s uncle hse, Pak Su at
This yr both of us is quite tight with financial situation, due to our wedding last June (even it’s a simple one, still its money), me hospitalize, and slow business lately…so we just spend necessary for everything. Like me, I will definitely prepare for my siblings all new clothes as I bought what I can only afford this time. I guess its enuff for Al-Eid. As a major preparation every yr I will make sure I have bought them new clothes, a budget for food n necessary for guest and also ‘green angpow’ for relatives and kids. But this yr will be just so-so…. Coz we celebrate the raya at my mum hse, I am not prepare much things at my hse. Coz we also just move in last June, seem all is still new. And I constantly decorate n make sure hse clean, so I am not doin much for raya. I also prepare few cookies and bought some. I give to both mum in-laws where I try from my 1st day of marriage to be fair to ‘every –mum’. Our new clothes? Nope….i still has few baju kurung where I made last time during my wedding. And it is still new. So I decide to wear that one – no waste. No point of having new one, coz normally I seldom wear baju kurung here in KL except for certain occasion. I only bought Jatt a shirt as a birthday present, so he can use that as baju raya too. For us it is enuff, the most important is we will celebrate this raya together with everyone we love. So both of us just spend wisely for everything.
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Saturday October 21, 2006 - 01:26am (SGT)
To all my frens (& foe if any),
I wish all of my Muslim frens .....
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri &
Maaf Zahir & Batin
Hati2 driving wherever you go..
Check the cholesterol...on every of your food..
Spend wisely...
From,
CKiN & Jatt
Selamat Hari Jadi Hubby -37 Saturday October 21, 2006 - 01:17am (SGT)
Dear Hubby a.k.a Jatt
Happy Birthday to You ....
I always pray that we will share this life together till the end..
I always pray that we will have each other no matter what we are...
I pray to God ,,please listen to me ...for giving us as many chances
For us to be the best of each other...
Best wish for you...
May this birthday is the happiest & meaningful you have in life...
and i always LOVE You!!
Love, CKiN
We need a helping hand ....you can be the one :Thursday October 19, 2006 - 03:00pm (SGT)
ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL CML PATIENTS!!
DONATION IN ANY FORM ARE ALMOST WELCOME!!!
Are you a Chronic Myeloid Leukemia (CML) patient? Does a member of your family have CML? Does one of your friends have CML? Do you really understand CML?
You’re not alone!
We are here to support, share experiences and learn to live better with CML. We are inviting you to a talk & spend time with haematologists and other patients, which will help all of us to better understand, cope and live better.
Date : Saturday 25th November, 2006
Time : 2.00-6.00 pm
Venue : Orthopaedic Clinic, Hospital
rogramme:
2.00 – 2.45 Registration
2.46 – 3.00 Introduction to The Max Foundation (TMF) & Max Family -
By Ms. Ong Mei Ching, MaxStation
3.01 – 3.35 What is CML? - Speaker: Dr. Haris Rahman, Haematologist & Lecturer, Pusat Perubatan Universiti
3.36 – 4.15 CML: Now and Future - Speaker: Dr.Chang Kian Meng,
Consultant Haematologist, Hospital Ampang
4.16 – 4.30 Tea Break
4.31 – 4.45 Patient Testimonial Sharing
4.46 – 5.00 Patient Care Giver Testimonial Sharing
5.01 - 5.30 Q&A Session
5.31 – 5.40 Closing Speech and Souvenir Giving Ceremony –
By Dr. Abd. Razak Muhamad, President of Max Family
5.41 - 6.00 Photography Session & Closing
All forms of donation are almost welcome and appreciated. Your small help will be the big meaning to those who need a help. our helping hand will be a shelter and comfort for those who inneed.
Please register before 12 Nov 2006.For further details, please contact:
Miss Shikin: 012-364 3168
Rindu ....yang terindah : Thursday October 19, 2006 - 12:52pm (SGT)
rindu pada seseorang
yang mungkin takkan dapat dihurai perkataan
seribu kalimah takkan merungkai kerinduan ini
dimengertikan hati dan akal hamba-Nya
ditafsir seribu pendita bahasa cendekiawan dunia
diterjermah bahasa apa pun sekali
masih tetap kerinduan itu
masih menjadi rindu yang satu
rindu
betapa sakitnya kesakitan ini
lebih dari merindui kekasih cinta hati
yang telah pergi meninggalkan
dalam lagi rindu ini terhadapmu
kesakitan yang akhirnya membuah kepuasan
kerana rindu ini terindah
rindu
lebih rindu dari masa nan lalu
kerana masa bersama mu yang kukutip
lebih kurindui
dari hari hari terindah bagi ku
setelah ku tahu kau telah pergi
kerinduan ini paling berharga kerana
ini rindu terindah selalu untukku
rindu
sehingga kini masih aku mencari
untuk mengubat betapa rindunya hati
rindu segalanya...
tawa tangis suka duka
kata senyum wajah dan bayangmu
masa nan lalu yang pergi membawa rindu kini
yang berat untukku melalui
ayah...
kalau lah rindu ini dapat ditukar dengan airmata
sudah pasti lama ianya diubati...tapi tak mungkin walau pun selaut tangisku
ayah...
kalau rindu ini terpadam kerana potretmu
sudah tentu kubalutnya di seluruh tubuhku agar kau selalu dekat
tapi aku pasti ianya lebih menyakitkan dari mengubati rinduku
ayah....
kalau sejuta kata ampun maaf dapat mengubati rindu
akan kuzikir selalu untukmu
namun, sekelip kusedari ...aku mensia siakan masa
kasih antara kita bukan ini buktinya
ayah...
hanya doa dan salam dari hati yg rindu
akan menghiasai antara kita
kerana doa ini
menjadikan rindu kita
rindu yang paling indah...
ayah...
kuberdoa dalam rindu yang terindah
Anak,
19 Oktober 2006, Petaling Jaya
blog....nak tulis lah ni: Friday October 13, 2006 - 04:05pm (SGT)
ok...cemana nak mula...errmmmm byk ni nak update okkkk
now we list down the main point wat i want to write ...
current business a.k.a job
fasting month
preparation for raya
balik kampung @ Kedah
social life @ money wise
sad story @ shud i tell?
emotional feeling
people oh! people
buka posa together
oklah tu among the list i realy wanted to upate and write...huhh too many as i always mentioned...can ker? tak tahu lah napa susah sgt lately nak write things in blog? TIME? oh no no....masa selalu ada , aku jer yg tak mengadakan nya sebaik mungkin... MALAS? yeaahhh its contributed to my delay....IDEA? ada idea tp tu lahhhh nak mula tuh...button tak function....tak 'cargas' like before....
someone said i am down emotionally n physically now...so i need to wake up...huhhhuuh i guess so ...i am different me by 'me' in me..tah lah susah lah if like this.....
ok ok i will write to help me feel better...i guess i need more books, more reading and cooking to make me alive...alive n alive.... rasa diri mcm tak cukup vitamin plak rasanya....payah ooooo....
to b cont'd.....
too many lines ...to write : Monday October 9, 2006 - 05:19pm (SGT)
i will write....many lines i suppose to put here as my thoughts....but somehow even i am 24 hrs connected to internet access, i still not manage to write as what i want..
izzit me> Time? lazy?
no i will start write to make me alive..
i need to wake up and i need all done......
for the sake of who loves me...
for the one who i love....
2nd Time OnTow @ WLY $@!( : Friday September 29, 2006 - 03:25pm (SGT)
huhuhu buka posa dlm keter....car breakdown lg smlm kat kota Damansara (abt 10 min fr hse) huhuu dr kul 4.48 sampai 7.40 tgu tepi jln....AAM reached there abt 5.25pm but only tow us home around 7.50pm coz they also buka posa 1st....tp satu menda realized abt AAM staff..they talk nicely...they are nice staff...we experienced 2 times car breakdown and found out all the AAM staff who on duty are nice person.....AAM should get this praise....
so last nite hubby & I buka puasa minum air dlm keter (org AAM tlg bw hubby pergi beli air)...aku muka dah tak manis walaupun Jatt beli air yg aku suka > teruklah aku ni...sbb smlm letih skit but JAtt kata kener sabar bulan posa mmg mcm ni....byk dugaan....aku ni jenis tak sabar skit so mmg nak meletup lah jugak...no mood at alll...(jatt tuh sabar dia tak tahu nak cakap.....vitamin sabar apa dia mkn)
kalau sesapa tak tahu cemana rasa buka posa tepi jln keter breakdown....i tell u best gilak ooo....dgn panas, letih....org lalu lalang memacam...best gilak mana nak dapat cr experience mcm ni...tell u ....panas dlm hati lg panas dr enjin keter....
aku pun tak tahu apa masalah WLY lately...dah byk sen tabur kat dia , asyik2 meragam plak....ssh lah like this......bukan nak blame tp kesian JAtt lah asyik2 WLY meragam.... but yes then we hv no choice lah .....nak wat cemana....diam jer lah.....kang aku bebel lebih2 kener plak...huuhuhu its hard to tell how i am taking & facing this ....acceptance...huhuhh
will be cont soon.......
Slow Mood..... Thursday September 28, 2006 - 12:14pm (SGT)
it has been a slow week ...since last 2 weeks , for me...its not becoz of Ramadhan or anything else...it just bcoz of business and it just a emotion ....nothing than that...just me and myself...
i am cracking my head to find ways how to boost this bizz...it seem so slow ...i have a lots of vacancies but seem no suitable candidates to fit the position. It turn off my day when nothing i can do....i am also LOST a bit since my resignation....i am weak...demotivate...
and also compiling an ideas with me.....any ideas cross my head...did u think people buy ideas? can sell arrr? i also now looking for a grant scheme that can help me....
now i am woring of doin a paper work...
1- House of AKAL (HoA)
2- Saturday :Talk & Confess (STC)
maybe i can show the ideas to someone trusted and talk....no empty one ...i wish one day i can materialize this.......esp HoA
welllll...please gimme some ideas and spirit.....motivation....strength...
Ramadhan ini...........segalanya...pertama bg semua org... Sunday September 24, 2006 - 06:19pm (SGT)
Ramadhan al_Mubarak tiba lagi.......syukur alhamdulillah ada one more chance to feel the barakah of Ramadhan.... dan hari ni all Muslim in Malaysia will start fast as today is 1st day...as announce by the government on last friday....
This Ramadhan is all ist time for everyone...
Hubby & I welcome this Ramadhan as our 1st time fasting together as husband and wife. I used to have last Ramadhan alone ....where i used to tapau food from office and have it there, and later went home and sleep till the next day....for many years alone ..and during weekend i will bz arrange buka puasa with frens and sometime cooked simple menu and settled at home...but this yr we , hubby and I will buka puasa at home and may be sometimes with relatives & frens....today i cook simple dishes for him (but he like the menu of coz)...and a type of simple kueh too. ...just for two of us....by the time i am writing this, i am done and only waiting for the time ...my buka puasa is very simple as i only drink a water and one / two kueh ...later at 9 or 10 i will than eat heavy meal (merangkap makan sahur lah tuh sbb i mmg tak bgn sahur...) but hubby will take all....then he later will sahur at 12 o'clock and above (bini tak bgn ...sian laki)...tapi oklah dah mutual understanding...so thats all abt me n hubby for this ramadhan...so kali ni dah ada mak mentua n ipar duai....where we plan to have satu sessi buka puasa bersama....before me and hubby heading back to hometown for Aidilfitri...(ishh lambat lagi tuh...)...my bro in law Dat and wife; Sofia will be coming from Singapore on 21 October (it's Jats birthday too) for Hari raya celebrating ...so i plan to buka puasa with mak kina, mama, ayah li, akak's family and dat's family together...Insyaallahhh....tengoklah nak bincang ngan mak kina how.....
Mak and adik2 at kampung also 1st time puasa without arwah ayah....sayu juga td bila terkenang kan arwah....girang arwah bila Ramadhan tiba...bulan Agung katanya...penuh barakah...we still remember at this hr he will go to PAsar RAmadhan for 'juadah berbuka posa' and everyone will list down what we wanna eat ....every yr if i balik kg i will order murtabak and air tebu from him (actually i never order sbb he knew i like that ....so arwah dah tahu apa nak beli for me)...he will do same routine 30 days during Ramadhan....and this Ramadhan no one will forget how he treat everyone nice....and just now my lil sister sms me how she missed my late dad during Ramadhan...she cried but i just advice 'do necessary' if she missesd him ....i am almost tears but i already tired of crying coz i missed my dad....so i need to be cool for my sister ...my strengh for her too.....so this Ramadhan all of us welcome Ramadhan for the 1st time without Arwah Ayah....how we missed all those years...but as my hubby said to me....this is written...since our 1st day...all promised all delivered...so byk kan sabar and banyakkan bersedekah ...barakah...
Updates:
1- I am settled with the responsibility given as the eldest to settle my late dad haji thingy...Alhamdulillah syukur sgt...sebak jugak masa akad upah haji that nite ...a feeling that i cant really describe how and what.....a relief also...(i cried inside)...i pray that the haji that we did for him will be delivered as complete as Haji.....Insyaallah...
2- now i only understand ....someone has misunderstanding about my last post....its not for anyone..as per say ...its a family matters that borders me and i really cant help of feel angry....i am so sorry to hubby for putting him in dilemma with my last posting.... its ok that he think that way.....but hopefullay this is not last Ramadhan for us so we can still ask for forgiveness....if this is last Ramadhan or any last chance for us (we both) to say in any oppurtunities we have, my last posting is not for anyone ..its only my family matters after all..... we are sorry that if anyone feel so....
3- Bizz seem a bit slow...but i am just can get my rythm back ...just a bit on track since last resignation....fuhhh its too long where i used to 'sleep' from me...from who i am...thanks hubby for always wake me up....
4- else than that...nothing much ...just normal life for us.....happy with what we have and dunt have...we just Thank God with this gift coz how hard life for us now, we smile and we alhamdulillah....
to all ..Selamat Ramadhan al-Mubarak, semoga memperolehi Barakah...insyaallahh...
coz of money ...... Monday September 18, 2006 - 11:13pm (SGT
in this world, coz of money...fren can be someone who back stabbing u ..in today life, a brother can kill you silently coz its all abt money...coz of money, human lost the respect, lost the brain, lost the the other side of them....they only can show who they are ....when the real things relates to money....it will show who they are ...to you.....
reminder to me: knowing ppl by testing them on money wise....and please for those who is 'rich' with MONEY...you can buy anything but not ME...
i am poor, but none of your dollars and cents can BUY ME in ANYWAYS>>>>>>>>>
NOT TODAY TO TEST ME : Wednesday September 6, 2006 - 02:00pm (SGT)
TODAY I REALLY ANGRY...
SHUD I CRY, OR LAUGH OR WAT??? PLEASE TELL ME HOW SHUD I HANDLE THIS...
TELL ME NICELY SO I CAN UNDERSTAND ....HOW ...WHAT ...
I AM SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
PLEASE DUNT TELL ME THAT I AM OK/ OR WILL BE OK...
updates..... Sunday September 3, 2006 - 10:07pm (SGT)
1- Ride on JBQ1200 : ride on the bike...his bike....wowww its great and fun experience with him....my 1st time to ride with my hubby on his HD .....his HD is now up and running......i never feel this before and i am addicted to it.....i am.....to my surprised, i am 1st lady to ride with......what a nice chance i have...feel the wind, feel the feeling all the bikerz have...and the best i am with my hubby.....
2- We On Tow:>WLY4192+hubby+me>'on tow' last friday nite 12.15 from Jln Lagoon Timur to Jln Klang Lama....huhu WLY4192 never been tow, how he has been down all this while but last nite it was amergency for him...hhuuheheh but yesterday he is up and running too...merajuk kot , jeles kat JBQ1200...sian dia....
3-Great Car Worst Driver: somehow i learned that driver who drive big+luxury+ of course expensive car is just NOTHING more than worst ppl on the road. They only can buy half empty car without no signal/side mirror/no driving license or just they really STUPID DUMB DUMB.... if one day i have moneiesssssssssssssssssssss, i MUST make sure i buy all those equipment come with a car such as signal & side mirror
4-Budget 2007: guys....our PM shud tell all the employer to increase all the staff salary accordingly...due to increase in petrol, taxes, service tax, and more and more...this 2007 budget seems make all teh government servant smile till next budget release...what abt us...all bussiness ppl like us, tiny2 one.....will die if we can survive......
5-HeWhoHasGone-YouKnowWhoYouAre> can i just tell you that i am no longer the gurl u used to know, to hurt...i am a wife to someone that i love so much and we love each other ....i am happy with this wedding...go away and fix your own life...i dunt need you...i dun want u...it all has past ...i am no longer in that story ...it's 'THE END'
Today is just good food day (nasi putih+pekasam bawang goreng+asam pedas+ikan goreng)...so let say thanks God for the food!!!
after a week.....
updates for past one week... Tuesday August 29, 2006 - 09:03pm (SGT)
1- Balik kampung> dari plan selama 3 hari dah jadi seminggu....due too so many things to do+ to settle and to eat (esp for Jatt)...so we stay till Friday morning only we drove back to KL....with really hati yg berat ....sbb ada MAX FAMILY meeting on Saturday@Hematologi Clinic, HKL @ 3.00pm... during our stay, it is so damn hot ..where Jatt memang berpeluh2 mcm kener simbah ayaq...haiyooo kesian sampai kener rashes...(sian Jatt)...hujan tak nampak bayang selepas kenduri kawen my cousin daugther....panas memang sgt panas...so byklah menda jugak aku dah setel masa blk kampung that day...pasal geran motor, pasal ARB punya hal, pasal nursery (ada gossip best), pasal kenduri Kak Ngah + Kenduri Mak teh, ...so syukur lah kepala dah ringan sedikit....at least i do smile now...sempat pergi ke Padang Besar with mum n my sister...fuhhhh gila best jugak brg2 kat sana...murah lah except satu menda yg aku nak sgt2 beli > notebook bag LV...gila sial cantik but the price is RM250, but the retail price as per tag is RM380, so dah discount tinggal RM250...huhhh mahal lg jugak.....last sekali aku ngan muka tak puas hati blk tak beli apa pun kecuali beli brg2 dapur steel....huhuhuh beg LV tu cantik but rasanya kat PStreet lagik best kot price dia....both of us visit PAk Su & family, Pak DIn sefamily & MAk Chom too....heheh so seronok sial ..kalau blk kampung selalu aku rasa mcm dah tak nak dtg KL lagi....sioookkkkk...Jatt also feel lazy nak blk ke KL....hehehe dah tuh....mak asyik masak jer jamu Jatt....pastuh Jatt kata dia rasa mcm semakin 'comel' plaks sekarang...yer lah tuh......
2- Kenduri Kawen (Cousin Daughter)> kata grand....grand lah kot but oklah semua berjalan lancar....met with few family members as our last meeting was during my wedding....some even i dunt have a chance to talk ...that time control , pengantin tuh babe...and we both enjoy lots of food too.... it was a tiring day but fun to be with everyone....so Selamat Pengantin Baru to both bride & bridegroom...and congratulations too...
3- Kenduri KAwen Yanz & Azizul, NRD, Putrajaya> it was on 26 August where they the 1st couple who conduct their wedding reception at NRD Hall (now NRD HQ offer this facilities to public).... wah grand kawan aku ni kawen babe....masuk paper lg gambar si Toyan ni....Toyan ni dulu roomate aku masa kat UiTM Arau (BBA Hons Mktg)...sweet sour hard and happy life we both share lots ...i know her quite well n we both kamcheng.....ingat senang aku nak duduk ngan org sebilik...tu lah fussy sgt aku nih agaknya...she married to this nice guy name Azizul where both used to know each other at workplace (HSBC BAnk Cyberjaya)...i am happy that she married him ...hehheheh only us know y....So to both of them, HAppy Wedding ...Congratulations !!
4-MAx Family Meeting @ HKL 26 August 3.00pm> it was a great meeting where we now plan an event for this year....Fun & Chit Chat with CML plan on 25 Nov 2006....everyone in comittee bz giving ideas, plan things, try our best to make sure this event at least have somethings as contribution to this support group...i was so touched everytime looking at this group with their so high spirit, motivation and energy....they really brave..i am only member who is not CML patient but i am the amazed by them in many ways....they great ppl who talking abt great ideas and things...i am amazed.....
today is tiring day so let do some exercise....smile 
and smile ...
till the next update...tata...
beautiful day is today : Saturday August 12, 2006 - 11:11pm (SGT)
hello...its quite long since i wrote in here...errmmm such a 'bz b' time for me......adapting new status in my life.....unemployed ...hhehehe but its quite relaxing time esp for my health condition... other than that i am bz...real bz....
updates:
Career> unemployed...but oklah .....tahulah rasa susahnya tak ada kerja tak ada gaji tapi tak sakit hati tak rasa mcm siot .........i unemployed but i hv vacancies to ppl who hungry for job.....ehhh cemana tuh? ok jugak kan.... but like jatt says lah....mcm ada byk peluang depan mata...byk benda blh buat actually...small small one lah kan...so now we (jatt & i) is planning to fully utilize 'us' for money making ...the rite way with rite ppl and rite buss with our capabilities...boleh lah kot....
Streamyx + TELEKOM > suck but lastly Internet up at my liltle home sweet home...jatt feels the heaven of waiting... n me bz also...jaki rasa umah dah ada internet
Curry Mee> today special menu...heheh hubby kata OK (sedaplah kot maksudnya).....so bila buka kedai mkn later i nak make sure one of the menu is curry mee...CKiN Curry Mee (CCM)
Gurl-Hang-Out> meet up with Zaily after so long 'bz b' for both of us....we feel like its not enuff given time to talk abt this n that ..its normal for both of us to talk non-stop , like there is no fullstop in our story...laughing and sometimes seriously discuss about this n that....heaven.......even married life is the best moment i have, but i believed i still need sometimes my time out esp with my buddy....and jatt always agree with the idea of 'space sometimes'..... thanks Yang for the understanding....(dah lama jatt tak pi jamming...)
Wedding Photo> its ready ....hehehhe love it like it....i feel like i just got to know him and to my unrealization, its wedding photo already...wat a fast time goes by us....just met, just engage & just married....hehheheh so fast an i still feel i just fall in love with him...(alamak lari tajuk la....) and one thing i told jatt that i rasa dia handsome masa kami kawen.....actually sekarang pun handsome jugak....tapi masa tuh dia kurus skit....skit jer lah... plus seri pengantin beb....
Balik kampung> next friday with my other two siblings and my niece SArah.....we will attend a cousin daughter wedding, my uni-mate wedding, our wedding ID card registration, few errants related to my bizz at the nursery.....hehheheheh byk nya ....n bayangkan jatt boleh mkn itu ini....mak masak memacam beb...eeii sedapnya.....
Newly born> congrat to our fren Rosli and Suria for newly born Nur Rahmah ....so cute and hope its will be new treasure and very meaningful gift from God....
My Health> since last nite i start to feel the pain on my right back side ..only right side...and today after wake up this evening (tido petang sbb kenyang mee kari)..i feel the pain much harder....huhuhuh.....jgn lah sakit ...jgn lah sakit, penat lah....tak nak mkn ubat...
coz today is beautiful day let smile for everyone... 
they just do it...i will pray...like always : Thursday August 3, 2006 - 01:16pm (SGT)
do u feel that sometimes someone back stabbing you.....like just try on u too much...
I really can't understand that sometimes people just never want to realize ....that we MUST thankful with what ever we have in our daily life... start to appreciate this n that.....
hubby teach me how to look one thing bad happened at a posotive view...i learned...n learned ....and now i try to appreciate much about things happened to me...
it is such of frustration when u now facing backstabbing.....where you cant do even much to help yourself...
i just pray for those who has been trying to backstabbed me, now backstabbing me and will again and again........good luck nad God Bless....
Thank God you give me strength and also a brain to keep thinking, thanking and appreciate all good things in my life.... it just a bit 'test' God has put on me so i now became someone who 'alive'.......
i will survive....i will .....
Damn Cool.....tak boleh tido siottttt : Thursday July 27, 2006 - 09:26am (SGT)
this one so damn coolllllll.......
must put hard _ smart work ... must buy items!!!
Mum-in-law hse on sunday... Sunday July 23, 2006 - 05:36pm (SGT)
hello ppl....yo its sunday and i am at my mum in law hse .... drop by with hubby after lunch hr....to settle few things here....pending for quite long.....
while waiting for his 'long business', here i am ....hehheheheh its a free and bonus if can get the Internet connection on weekend nowdays.....heheh seronok.... Streamyx kat umah tak tahu lah thn bila nak up....buusssannn aku tunggu....Jatt lagilah bosan cant do work...mcm kucing nak beranak dia hehehheheh
hot stuff....
Akademi Fantasia 4: what the hell they are doing?? is any person realize that is the waste after all... wake up malaysian wake up..pls pls pls ....change the channel....i am tired ...reality show? ! Sure ??? or just another conspiracy...Ouuucchhhhh!!! me n mum in law always get mad when we talk abt it....(well i admit i watch it and talk abt it....ok ok ok i do watch ....)
One in A million: who is that ppl? they got album dude so y shud b in the competition again and again....hello! kalau dah tak menang last time tak menang lah babe... but i like it just lil bit better than AF4... coz they have Shafinaz ...thats all
ROCKSTAR Supernova: THIS IS REALITY Show.....rockkkk hidup Rosli sekali.....
CT Nurhaliza + Datul K: oh pllllzzz i am mad n tired.....there are so many next best things we need to focus ppl.....MANY i repeat M-A-N-Y....
Me: ok n not...pain still pain even more.....its all abt 'them'...all abt it.....oh pls pls pls i want to go....
oklah chiow.....hubby abt to finish....byeeee
i am backkkkkkk : Thursday July 20, 2006 - 02:34pm (SGT)
hello.....hello everyone
soo sooorryyy for not updating (if you are waiting)....hehheheh
i am bit better ...from the pain ...but other pain replaced...
for everyone who has knew abt the breaking news (TQ who also a CNN) let celebrate...
DAVID> you must buy me drink dude! lets celebrate
ZAILY> i have make a decision that i guess i wanted to do for quite long, i just do not brave enuff ...but now i must say congratulations...i wish the best for both of us....
Hubby>>> he is bit tired of nursing me all nite long (psstt pssttt he is gud nurse dude), teaching at day time and few unresolve things that ppl keep chasing them...sometimes i feel like mad that i saw his face (who the hell keep my hubby out of time)....he is damn tired of all the things....i am sorry for that but i know how strong he is to face this period....
FAMILY>>>> doing quite well after all....seem everyone happy and this is new phase and fresh start...
>mak : seem to be lil sad after Adam went back to college, she just feel strong and bit brave when he is around after my lovely dad back to The One. Mak i know and always pray that you will be OK....you not alone there mak...miss mak so much
>hisham: is quite and seem bz with his notes n book , the exam is just around teh corner and he seem sometimes lost ...
esok sambung .....
what was wrong and the Caused? Thursday July 6, 2006 - 02:00pm (SGT)
me? cuti sUCK-It yang panjang last 2 weeks....due to my back pain....prolonged back pain....the worst i ever feel since got to have it since last year....huhuhuh
i pray if am not well all,....at least no one will experience this...cant sleep, walk, work, lost interest in many things esp food and meeting ppl...
so suck-it u know.....was admitted at Damansara Specialist for 2 nites and tranfered to UH ....than later again to GH emergency ...still pain...here n there ...till alst nite went to traditional massage with my hubby...then things get better..alah ..if i know this i wont just throw money...at DS just like that...let me tell u, pay money there this time around not that worth...so-Suck ....but i am Thank god i am ok....i am back here...to live life....but still pain ...stilllll
but just wana thanks who has pay a visit during my hospitalization ..thanks...
THANK YOU to those who care in anyways they are......i know it
THANKS to lovely hubby, patient enuff for me....care of me...i saw his tears when i was in emergency theatre...i saw it n...i know its means lot to us..i understand lots more abt him by now..thanks....for everything u r....
UPDATES:
DS: 'so called specialist' not so special coz she dunt even breif us wats the results from the x-ray. They said she is child specilist!!! Oh My GOD....do i look like kids......I am 28 and i am suffering back pain....
UH: still the best choice for middle income people like us > Dr S at least let us know what we suppose to know> she did her work> she id the so called Dr
GH: emergency not so emergency....if they cant c your blood here and tehre...its not so called emergency...it is not...if u cant breath , u r out patient ...hhuhuhuhu ...jap at butt really suck-it...and the Dr fierce..but i dunt care...i am in pain ...
Back Pain: still but i have enuff pain killer till next appt
tonite: traditional massage again> it helps > recomended for those who look for one
10 July > next App at UH to meet up with Dr S
17 July > appt with Ortho, UH
Thanks and Thanks : Thursday June 22, 2006 - 09:16am (SGT)
It has been long for me …not updating this page…..due too many reasonable things happen and things really keep me bz, I am unable to update this….
Due to my wedding reception (completed by now ….fuhhh thank God)….suffering my back pain for few days….work stress… (overstress I may say)….crazy ….. all keep me away from this things called BLOG!
I just wana THANKS all the fren and relatives who make my day brighter n greater…thanks for the time spend …and thanks for coming …..thanks also for those who help me in any ways that I cant list down all…..i know you guys still rock and will always rock…..
Your existence in my life make me feel great and wonderful…
I am a wife but still I am your fren….forever fren….
LESSON FOR 2Day
This is how i would say sorry / Sad for those who cant understand MY WORSE English / Malay .....
>>>> Je suis désolé = i am sorry (french)
Lo siento = i am sorry (spanish)
Ik ben droevig = i am SAD (dutch)HET SPIJT ME= I AM SORRY
Sono spiacente = i am sorry (italian)
Perdóname = forgive me (spanish<<<<<<<<<<,
FAMKE JANSSEN PICTURE: Wednesday June 14, 2006 - 08:57am (SGT)
this one? i dont think so......
being a wife ... Tuesday June 13, 2006 - 04:09pm (SGT)
feeling so sweet being a wife to my hubby...treated like a queen baby...i wish that i will have this forever in my life ....along the way we will grow older happy ...i pray that we will always in our honeymoon mood forever....
being a wife...is just something very new experience ...ppl told me that it is just a step into this...along the way there is ups n down we will face...so as a wife i must really understand, tolerate, patient.....the best way to save everything i have now....
being a wife...is something that i really want to treasure...this is we call a responsible..call alife, shared life...i feel safe in his arm, there is an arm where i can cry to, share the joy n tears..everything...there is someone who stand with wide arm open...
being a wife...where i can walk with someone call hubby...i always feel confident...safe...happy....meaningful of what i am doing...
being a wife ...i must thank to the One for this gift.... this gift as precious for me to share n treasure..i must thank the one i call hubby to choose me to share this life....thanks thanks
Just Married: Monday June 12, 2006 - 04:18pm (SGT)
just married.....a wife now.....with Mrs Jatt title........hehehhehehe.......
nak tulis apa yerrr?......byk sgt nak tulis ni....today.... : Thursday May 18, 2006 - 01:45pm (SGT)
1- somehow i listen to 'weird' music....i am not listening to my favorite stuff like i always do...malay song today babe...malay i tell u...love song ...and i feel gud that way....satu opis gelak n rasa 'something wrong' with me....but its ok with me...back to the root....80's & 90's malay love song ....memories flies back to the time....lots of sweet bitter things cross my screen..i can c me last time 'life'.....during my teenage time, my early 20's, my 'lost' time..hahahah sweet to remember pain to just ignore...it teach me lots...experience how gud or bad it was.....i just thanks...
2-feel miss my fiance ...i dunt know....this morning he sent me to work ...but somehow i miss him.... izzit i gud sign of something....hope so....
3- counting days for the lonnngggg holiday.... i am not looking for that wedding that much...in my head i am looking to be out from this 'lovely office' for a while.....sure lah i nak kawen n happyly looking for that but then.....i nak cuti ...2 weeks will be gud n nice holiday for me....last long holiday was when my dad past away...thats all.... then i am back to my normal 5-days-working-non-stop ....fuhhhh it has been years for me....work work work
4-review my 5-years plan after getting married... in all area ...financially, future upgrading, family and more....banyak nak kener wat nih...bukan senang macam atas kertas...
5-reviewing the wedding thingy...such as the invitation, wedding dress thingy, the plan, logistic, money matters.....fuhhh...banyak sungguh....time is limited...look like there is no tomorrow for the 'play play' one...this is serious man...kawen is serious matter ...that wat Jatt also stress out to me...his principe that this is serious matter that u need to treat serious how hard it is...but there is always a way of taking it nicely......
2 b continued.....makan lunch yang ditapaukan oleh my GM.....
i wana update this but somehow... Wednesday May 10, 2006 - 03:28pm (SGT)
i just really wan to write all these ...in my blog (a.k.a update) but just too lil time for too many things to say....i wana share all this....
Bachelorate Party @ 28 April 2006 @ Rum Jungle
Moving hse to Damansara Pelangi
My 1st time trip to Kelantan Darul Naim
My trip to Kedah with my younger sister
My WEDDING preparation > a months before+ nervous
My WEDDING preparation > 3 weeks to go @ hometown
My Work lately
My fren who used to like me (into-me) when i decided i met the one
Money matters
My single life towards the end of season
My cooking , reading, music stuff
Gadgets: PDA's + N7710/ N70
Arrrgggjjjj pls pls i must look for time ...i just cant help not write something
My english so bloody poor by now, my vocab so damn poor.....help help ...
feelingsss : Tuesday May 9, 2006 - 09:53am (SGT)
lucky..that i got to know him as he is ...he is not too.. for what he is and he is not ...sometimes fun can be tears and tears coz of fun too...
never cross my mind that i will have what i have now and will have later...a comfort house to live, a good planning about life....a smooth sailing of beginning of life....
a future husband who loves me more than i can expect he will..... who pampered me with all his will....(xcuse me......who tell me tat he is naive, he is dumb, Tipah tertipu......tertipu yang sangat menggembirakan...tipulah lagik...) just sometimes i think i dunt love him much...dunt love him tat many as he always do....
just too nervous of the coming big day...its 3 wedding reception....hhhmmmm sound tiring ....sound MONEY!!! MONEY!!!
feeling shy of getting married esp when ppl teasing you abt this n tat.....
im afraid.....dunt teas me ...pls pls pls...
life seem to change from old path to better path....better always......thank God for all happened and not....
last nite dream.... & bit updates.. Thursday May 4, 2006 - 08:24am (SGT)
last nite was so scary......dreamt of something cud possible happen......on my big day or before....i wake up thinking about and i felt so scared....too scared....i just wana pray that all this just a bad dream ....nothing ...or i just a reminder for me to put xtra care abt me myself for the time being....
il updates abt last three weeks...
1- i went back to my hometown 2 times , to help mum settle all abt the wedding....also i am now fully certified to get married to Jatt...i got approval from Majlis Daerah Kubang Pasu last Tuesday with my Bro Adam goin to b my Wali.....its a bit leceh process where you need to go to Imam hse and get his signature, then bring all teh documents ....TBC>....
all seem not gud.....but i try hard to fix.... Thursday April 27, 2006 - 05:27pm (SGT)
i know these:
- u cant fix stupid...let it be stupid....coz ppl who is stupid always deserve tat....
-my heart was 'attack' by an anger feeling by this one man ....who always think i am the bllodyhell stupid n pity gurl in my life...i never blame him nor to admit what he claimed in his own judgement abt me.....he can think , he can say either he can choose of being quiet....watever....who i am just to fix all ....i cant even say tat.....i just fix myself.......better that way huh...
- when u deserve things....and you know you about to get it , but u cant just get it..coz there is someone HERE.......that stupid someone lah.....yeaaa ...at the end of the day, you cant fix stupid man...
- wake up in the morning> you dunt feel like oing to work> you are in trouble man.....u really need helps.....need to check whether its you that having a prob or company > my case i am so sure its not me...its THEM!!!
-i am panic by now......help help
somekind of not gud feeling surround me: Friday April 14, 2006 - 06:12pm (SGT)
1- esok blk kampung urus hal2 munakahat , dengan harapan sekaligus melegakan hati mak yg tgh runsing pasal anak dia yg sorang ni dah nak kawen.....aku rasa blh paham how hard she weri abt me as my dad dah no longer will lead biggest occasion like this ...this wedding will be something meaningful for her as she will deliver the promise to arwah ayah...(i know ayah never really talk to mum that asked her to make sure anak dia sorang ni akan lepas dgn baik) but aku tahu sgt mak tuh........ bukan tido mlm sgt dia sekarang...lagik tak selamat langsai semua...alah mak ....sapa tak kenal dia...adam kata mkn pun termenung..so harap dgn aku blk setel apa yang patut dia akan rasa lega...
mak tak pernah handle occasion penting sebesar ni, masa adik shida kawen dulu (termasuklah cousin2 aku yg ayah tlg kawenkan> then lupa diri : alah berapa byk jasa ayah kat org dlm mendirikan masjid ni, but sekor pun tak ingat sgt2....ayah pernah ker kisah ...ayah mcm tuh lah. dia...RINDU) , semua mak jd secretary jer...ayah lah semua master mind dlm segala urusan...alah mak tak byk cakap punya type...if she need to say she just will say with really at the rite time...with the really in consideration will not hurts anyone feeling...
kali ni mak rasa sgt sbb ayah dah tak der....actually bukan mak sorang , aku lg terasa bahang nak urus semua alone ...(yes like i said ramai nak tolong but how far they can help, in terms of few important thing yg u need wat u called 'ayah', u will not have that....) the encouragement of having such of wedding reception, hal2 yg lebih arif bila org tua yg urus, yg lebih tahu selok belok org tua2 punya hal, kali ni aku n mak lah yg kener wat....masalah jugak sbb aku kat sini n mak kat sana...terkejar2 aku nak handle semua....urusan itu ini...aku tak nak mak susah hati n i let her down alone there...i wont do that to her...i just only have a mum....
dalam mata mak masa aku bercakap lepas the engagement day last time aku blk, i can c that she is happy for me n i really know tat she feel sad too....its all abt ayah not with us (but i believed he is ....around us smile happily for me > budak kurus yg ketegaq nak mampus ni)..but i percaya mak rasa fuhhh lega habis coz i lastly come to the next big step ogf my life ....getting married with someone that she bless....she like....mak mana tak suka tgk anak dia bahagia....tell me...mak ayam pun suka tgk anak dia hepi ma....
mak tuh bukannya apa....dia risau if something happened and its not smooth sailing as what we plan....but i always tell her ' mak....kita hanya rancang...' she will take deep breath...n smile...mak feel like she is alone to handle...but for many reasons i will make sure i handle this wiser...mmg nak puaskan hati semua org takkan dapat...takkan boleh...but with the greatest effort i will try....this is the risk and all the sweet bitter of getting married...so i will just open hearts to face this....
esok blk i will try to handle few importants thing such as
1- the akad process where i need my younger bro to be the 'wali' for me....kalau ada ayah syoknya...Adam dah mula nak minta itu ini coz tanpa wali tak kawen achik ni....byk gilak borang nak filled in...and the best part tat if you will having akad nikah ceremony at Kedah State, u need to fill in the form in jawi text ...so in order to fill the form, u must know how to read too....so ? Boleh ker? i am thank god that i really well verse in that Jawi both write and also read..so for those who will nak kawen kat kedah sila lah blajar jawi ...tak ramai dah reti baca jawi nowdays...but that i consider as advantage lah....
2- all the menu n budget for the wedding reception ....nak jamu apa...uuhhhhh pening nya saya...
3- benda2 yg remeh temeh yg perpaksa aku tahu A-Z (mak ada mcm2 angan....sbb masa adik kawen she cant even get her 'daughter' wedding coz adik Cda mmg angin satu bdn...semua is 'her wedding'...ssh lah , so i will try make mak punya dream at least come true with my very tight budget ... rasa nak keluar darah kat hidung pk duit ....huhuhuhubut for mak oklah...
4-i still actively handle arwah ayah nursery, so this opp i will pay visit to nursery...(aku blk too short semua aku nak wat...) but this is my promise n responsibility to my said commitment...i will go and manage few errants with MAB, the staff and also arwah previous fren who also once get a joined venture with him...(sekerat jln dah blah tinggal ayah with kerugian, now dah sinar cerah nak dtg blk....no way old man...I am CRUEL Enuff ok coz u deserve...)
5-i need to meet up with few important ppl in this wedding thingy...fuhhhh cukup ker masa ni ...mlm ahad dah nak blk cini...
bila blk KL plak aku akan bz untuk final preparation such as wedding dressed measurement, last few things to buy, sending out all the invitation card, move out hse, new hse arrangement so bila dah settled aku dah ada umah sendiri nak duduk......i will go Kelantan to get few important things too....arrrhhgggg i hate travelling here n there with a very rushing commitment...dah tuh apa nak wat kan..terpaksa lah ...
eermmmm bachelorate party ....organize by Ita, Elly and Nicole....will be held....soon somewhere in end of April.... where? dunt know i just folo.....lets the party willbe the history after all.....fun n fun with these chicks....uhhh cant wait man cant wait....
aku masih tercari2 masa nak pi 'manjakan' diri before the wedding...maybe somewhere around 6/5 kot with my GM....mestilah jaga n manjakan diri jugak ...facial aku tak wat lagik, all spa thingy pun sikit tak plan lagik....aarrrggghhh sudah ...byknya..i need more time...time time ...macam ni rupanya nak kawen yer...huhuhuhu
my concern now is my dollars n cents as well...coz this commitment is quite rushing, i will definitely facing a vvvveeerrryyyy tight financial....crucial...duhhh nasiblah kawen sekali bg aku ...if let say 5 yrs once, fuhhhhh demam beb deman beb....dunt have enuff money as well time....but i just wana keep this smile with me....pray smooth sailing...
lately i really stress with few things ....personal, job related and inner force...if silap step tergolek ....tp sesekali if i remember how ayah handle things....senyum + settle...i feel strong ..the strength that i get from ayah...is just something priceless...alah kalau ayah ada he will say...'apa nak risau ...kalau nak kawen , kawen lah...'..ayah ..ayah....semua senang tak der masalah...that old man never say 'susah' or 'tak larat'...he just the person that i cant define ....but i know teh most what he feel about the 'life' he face...
from now on i need more rest, i need more cool feeling, patient, strength, brain, motivation....so i need a book, a set of kitchen ready to 'goreng', and fishing...in order for me to get all those mentioned above.....
kacau bilau ....... Thursday April 13, 2006 - 05:41pm (SGT)
today....
1- i gave up for everything, i felt so down....down down....
2- i felt stuck with all, i am here not moving even i have tried hard ....harder even the best i can do..
3- i hate when things seem all wrong, especially its bcoz of me. bcoz i am what i am....felt so pressure till i thought of run and never return here to face all this...
4-the time not moving seem like all static....time is not moving while i waiting....evertything was s o wrongggg here n there...
5-i felt i am alone here facing lots things...shud i share? y? will they understand....
6- emotional blend with feeling, will birth u the best type of anger....you will satisfied of feeling that..angry man angry ....with lots around you.....
7-calendar is just something make u headache....make u feel u running out of time, time time tat so precious....calendar is just a piece of paper make u get panic easily...panic panic.....just a sheet of calendar 
8-a word from people tat u love will make ur day or else turn it to really bad day.... u laugh when it sound so lovely....but believe me tat if ur love say something bad, it will effect you badly.....
i just sometimes missed a lot of my heartbroken time...where i found that i am independence, strong, wiser, cool, reserve and i am OK......just too much showered, u will feel too flattered and u tend to forget urself.......like what i am now.....
hari yang sangat menyakitkan hati... Tuesday April 4, 2006 - 06:23pm (SGT)
1- sebab semlm aku pun sakit hati , so today aku bawa lagi kesakitan hati tuh....sambung sakit hati ...tak semena-mena aku rasa sakit yang semakin melarat dalam hati ...kuang kuang kuang
2- i am suppose to meet up with a 'big bro' of me n my fiance , but suddently i MAY BE accidentally hurt his feeling by saying something ACTUALLY nothing for me...(lets talk honest ...selalu nak cover jaga hati jer kerja aku..spa plak nak jaga hati aku...)
3- i am tired of WORKING CONDITION ......... wats so wrong wat so not so wrong......i am pening i am sakit jiwa....tertekan tertekan.....
4-
nsdckajwhnefocwehfcasDw'epgferigdfjg89w7toejfgverkghorjh ;damvkasjfeirgrt234h8rtjn65e 4uja4e7t6 w4yv7h6q5447by 3qjmt 237uxzjsdklfuhe;ug;lerh36btd7j3d f7h 367j36g8 w38GWEF - this is me that NOW.....
bLUR
MESS
FEEL STUPID.....
this week.... Friday March 24, 2006 - 06:40pm (SGT)
this week few things happened.....
- had register my 'kursus kawen' (he did to do that coz he is not teaching today)
-my Boss a.k.a GM finally got her car > NAZA CITRA > and i am the 1st to be the passenger...damn nice car...spacious..oklah untuk dia yg cute jugak....
- my eyes caught by KIA OPTIMA at KIA Distribution Centre at Rawang> while waiting my boss to get the car, i am taking my own sweet time to look around > Optima caught my attention among all the cars
-this week my feeling really hurt due to few unreasonable things at office...at the wedding planning process....at someone who really upset my feeling...but i still bare with all...tak per boleh tahan lagik ni...kasi lanyak skit lagik baru aku pening...jaga korang...
- i felt extremely exhausted with all in my head.... tiring most of the day..... due to lots in my head...brain too tired thinking all those ...but i dont really have a choice ...keep think and most of it is take ACTION....this wat Jatt also told me....
- i found that he is so supportive that i keep walking with him....i am thank God...
- the date is nearer day by day....i am nervous + happy for the big day.... and i am afraid of any possibilities....lots ofthings coming our way too.....thank God.....
- money plays roles in a lots of things you wanted to do....but its just nothing if your heart is empty....money cant buy certain thing thats so valuable......
My MP3 Player- a gift : Wednesday March 22, 2006 - 04:15pm (SGT
This is my MP3 Player> a gift from a dear fren..... on my previous birthday....
Thanks and i love this......it keep me with my music all the time....
its the beginning of all the ending.... Monday March 20, 2006 - 05:36pm (SGT)
Lastly ....after quite long of being asking this 'WHEN?"
alhamdulillah... its done...i feel so great about the event....everyone happy and everyone feel 'fuhhh lega dah habis satu' ...as i am too...him too i guess....so just the preparation for the next step.....plan and details need to be jot down again and again....
thanks to those has involve with in the events from day 1 and till it was completed......
thanks sangat to my family who try hard and d best to make the event happening (pening pun yer lah jgak...byk sgt hati2 nak dijaga....dimanja...letih achik) > mak, shida, adam sham , dik Ahh, Charlie + Sarah....and all the family i really dun hv space n times to write all here , but my credit goes to all.......my neighbours and frens who pay visit ...i love u guys....thanks for the support and happy greeting from u all too......its your bless....thats i felt so touch...
TQ also to those close fren who really care abt this My fren Zaily a.k.a Elly, Aznita, Wardah, Nana.... and few more i failed to list all....thanks so much for all support and everything ...
and to these listed below...u n me know what all abt...we know best.......MAC (i know u d best bro...its in between that no one can understand), DAVID (this mastermind pushing this to the limit very slow , but it work)..., ROSLi (Ko best gilak > encouraging lah ko)...and few to name you know who u r than......Thanks for all...everything said and done... love u guys
To Kak Faz, And Kak Noor, Thanks for the gift...i LOVE it...i like it....i know its with u guys i wake up and i still wake up.....with u guys....never i go alone....i still with u guys....i still old me...(ur best Miss Grumble)....he know i will sometime 'always single' wit u guys....(Kak Ngah N Kak Long ROCK man!!!!) to Shaik & HAilan....biler lagik? but ...u know i love u guys....Muuaahhh
for those memories ...i just wana say gudbye...i cant live with the shadow and i cant help to cry all my life ...
the feeling and the trust i carry by now is within me....i knew better in any ways it can be.....everything gonna be alrite....
to him.....Thanks......it just new me with a gud step to walk....thanks for everyone that give a support in anyways they did...
To Arwah ayah....i did ....i did with all my heart ...and its for u..i know u know...please smile for me n feel happy....i will be the one who u always wanted me to be....i will...this is teh promise...if he was there to share the moments....he will be the happiest .....its never too late to do something about his dream....somehow i miss my arwah ayah so deep ....even i have someone who will share life with...coz he is my ayah ...the best man ... who know me best after all...
something... Thursday March 16, 2006 - 09:25am (SGT)
you dont know the feeling until you lost that someone....by wish or just innocent negligence... till u really lost that person forever in your life....i must say that the worse feeling you will feel...after you realize how gud to have her/him in your arms....how worth to be with or what she/he can bring to you.....
you dont know the feeling of getting what you want + what you deserve....how hard you try or you are lucky to get it...till you hold it with you....in your heart so closed, in your arms so tight....then you know how lucky, happy and worth you are ....to be there.....
I have to say gudbye for all those memories....for all those history...i just someone new in this continuos story...next episode...i just cant wait anymore, being here for something put me in cloudy days...it has been long wait and long misery for me.....i just wish all the cut will not left me the scar.....if i still can see the scar ....it hurt me deeper.
i just wana welcome my new episode of life...deepest pray that it will be gud as it is.. if not more , it not suppose not be less than what i deserve...i just wana have this new turning point of life as gud as i could...as gud as i always wanted to...i wana feel gud for making this decision ....i believe in myself that sunrise everyday and at the end of the day....it is sunset coz it will rise again tomorrow....to light my life....
i just wana thanks as many as people who involved in mylife , as what ever he/ she is being to me....many thanks to those who brighten up my life the way they are and the way they are not... i cant afford to write everyone name's here .....i know deep in my heart they always be with me...thanks ....
also i wana thanks who has put me down and try to make me suffer all the years....they make me feel stronger and stronger...they make me feel ' i have to'...i try to walk if they make me crawling......i speak outloud if they ask me to shut-up....thanks ....for being 'the way you are'....
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